"FOOLISH LOVE" - A Short Story

FOOLISH LOVE

I stood in front of the mirror. If only I were taller and fairer…I stopped the chain of my thoughts when the reflection of Anvitha fell on the mirror. I smiled at her despite my feelings of jealousy and anger towards her. What If I had the knack of being always first in the class!  Anvitha was gifted with an enviable ability of drawing the attention of all other boys in the college.  She was very pretty and charming with large bright eyes, thick wavy hair, dimples in her cheeks and an hour glass figure to boot. O.K. It didn’t matter or worry me much. But she was flirting with Arun, the guy on whom I had a secret crush and that’s what bothered me.  She had often confessed to me her great admiration and fascination for him. I was in an unfortunate situation of having been her classmate since fifth standard. Being with her had always put me in her shadow. We were close friends till we both came of age. I started keeping away from her after she started flirting with all the handsome boys. But I couldn’t keep her away fully as she was with me all the time and being her roommate in the hostel added to my predicament. I had prayed to God and asked a hundred times a day to fast forward the days so that our course gets over soon.  I was waiting anxiously for another four months to get my B.Sc., degree completed.

“Hey Asha, Come on, let’s stroll in the garden. I’m feeling bored up here and have to confide an important matter with you” Anvitha said giving a painful slap on my back.

“You stupid!  You’ve stolen my Arun, the only boy I ever loved” I muttered. I had to use all my power of self-control to remain calm lest I could end up doing anything to this monster girl who had stolen my Arun from me.

“I am telling you, let’s go out to the garden!” exclaimed Anvitha giving me another painful slap on the shoulders, slightly irritated by my lack of response to her request.

“Oh!...Err” I struggled and smiled. Thank God, she could not get wind of the mental turmoil I have been going through, I thought. 

In fact I must confess that I did not reveal to others my feelings towards Arun and the dreams I had built around my future with Arun.  It was always fun riding pillion on his bike, I began to recollect. His long legs astride the bike were strong and his hair blowing back from his forehead, thick and wavy.  Wow what a feeling! What fun we had had, walking hands clasped, bunking classes and enjoying privacy and togetherness in restaurants, parks, cinema theatres and dance halls, my fingers brushing his thick hair, his strong arms holding me tight…. Heart thudding, body trembling I used to get up from sleep all of a sudden in the middle of the night only to realise that it was just a dream.  Anvitha had such dreams and while she explained them to me the next day, I had broken  a plastic pen into two and even bit my lips hard till blood oozed out of it or something I did which I cannot imagine myself out of jealousy.

“Oh! Come on Asha” she pulled my hand, “don’t waste time. I have to tell you the most important decision of my life and you…”

In the garden she told me the vile news.

“You know I am in love with Arun, I am thinking of marrying him and I’ve to propose him”, she told me excitedly, eagerly waiting for my reaction.

Though I knew about their love I felt like I was hit by a powerful bomb on my head.  For a moment, I felt like giving a hard blow on her face. When she had so many boys to flirt with why the hell she had to fall in love with my Arun and even want to marry him?

“Hey stupid!” Anvitha exclaimed, “Look what you have done to your beautiful nail?”

I had cut the long pointed nail of my forefinger biting it hard.  It looked ugly and the broken nail was a symbolism of my broken dreams. 

“Hmm...What is wrong with you Asha? I have told you the most important decision of my life and you are not showing even the slightest of emotion. Come on. Why are you sitting with an impassive look on your face?!” questioned Anvitha. 

“You need not bother” I muttered.  “I think Asha is deeply engrossed in her own thoughts, perhaps day-dreaming about her boy friend” said Sunitha opening her mouth for the first time.  Sunitha was their hostel mate and she along with her friend Namratha formed the part of the gang that Anvitha wanted to share her secret with. 

“Pray tell me who that fortunate man is?!” said Namratha in a teasing manner.

“None other than the same Arun  whom Anvitha has pocketed”  announced Nalini.

“Really?!”  exclaimed Namratha.  “Yes. Once I saw both of them together engrossed in an intimate conversation in the canteen”

“Congratulations Asha!”  they all said in unison.

This teasing was no music to Anvitha’s ears and she could no longer tolerate it. She ran to the hostel and I followed her. By then she had reached the room and bolted the door from inside.

“Dhud Dhud” I banged the door calling, ”Anvitha, Anvitha! Open the door please.”

She opened and I could not see her face. Her eyes had become liquid pools of fire,   her nostril flared and she was hissing with fast breath.

“What harm have I done to you to snatch my Arun so mercilessly from me? There is limit to everything” cried Anvitha, her voice a high tension wire.

“But Anvitha,….”I could not complete my words, she shouted, “stop it and get out of my sight at once”. Her words were a torrent of pent-up anger.

“Anvitha, please allow me to speak. For your information, they made fun of me. Arun is a friend of my cousin who has gone abroad for further studies. He asked me for his mail id…There is nothing more to it”, I replied curtly…

That night I had reeled off into the arms of sleep by 9 and whole night I dreamt Arun and I was happy, feeling secured. In spite of my plump figure and dark complexion, I looked charming. I am gifted with blemish less glowing skin and an enchanting smile. To be slim and to look tall I tried to stick to diet, did my exercises as regularly as I could. My friends in college began to chide me for my efforts to lose weight. But I accepted their snide remarks sportingly.  My only aim was to please Arun and look attractive for his eyes.  I often wore cream and light coloured dresses in which I had always felt good.  I noticed a glint of admiration in his eyes whenever I had worn such light coloured clothes.  That look of approval in his eyes was enough to make me happy for the rest of the day.  Then I would ask Anvitha, “Do I look beautiful today?”

Anvitha always reassured me with the soothing words which she used to whisper in my ears “Oh, you look so lovely and divine dear!”

Some days passed. Anvitha’s behaviour with me was normal after that unfortunate incident.  But she never talked about Arun in our conversations.  One night Anvitha came to interrupt me in the midst of my studies.   I had to listen to her talk. She was quite frank with me as she needed me the most when she had mood swings or when she faced situations that tested her patience.

Arun refused, do you understand? He refused”, she began looking at me waiting for my reaction.

“What did he refuse?” I asked closing my Chemistry book. I was curious.

“It is not this and that, he refused when I proposed” she said even as tears rolled down from her soft cheeks.

I looked up sharply. My anger and jealousy towards her vanished in no time.

“Anvitha… I’m really sorry to hear this. But why did he do that?” pretending to be sympathetic, I asked.

“He said to me seriously that I have misunderstood his friendship and he never thought of me in that light” she said sadly amidst sobs.

Oh! It was useless I thought. Arun was right in his decision. Can he love a girl like Anvitha who is a habitual flirt?  I always held Arun in high esteem and thought he was sincere in his work and studies.  Of course he was fun loving and that had made him mingle with all girls. Days passed as usual after this incident and I had noticed that Anvitha had changed a lot during this period.  She had stopped flirting with the boys and girls with equal ease.

I still remember the words of our English Professor Mrs.Sumathi, for she had taken almost an hour to draw us back to reality from our adolescent puppy-love kind of dreams. “In adolescence one gets attracted to the opposite sex very easily. Puppy love is an ever interesting theme for stories, television serials and films.  The sexual instinct reaches its pinnacle in adolescence and is often uncontrollable. However, such instincts need to be channelized in the right path by indulging in games, sports or creative hobbies.  Youngsters who are madly in love at this age do not have the courage and determination and that is why there are many instances of unhappy endings. Don’t fall into the trap till you are mature enough to take right decisions of your life. It is not wrong for boys and girls to be friendly with one another.  But this friendship should be platonic and lust-free with no sexual overtones. If your adolescence is taken care of, the rest of your life will be happy and hassle-free. So be careful at your age”, she had warned.

I knew my secret love towards Arun is nothing but mere infatuation which would soon fade from my memory.  I enjoy loving him secretly and I cannot tolerate any other girl flirting with him or talking to him so intimately. On a few occasions I had noticed him watching me intently with his strong and penetrating gaze.    But I always avoided his piercing gaze.

I knew that Arun liked my devotion to studies and admired my talent and intellect often mentioning about it with his friends. At times I thought he too loved me secretly but could never muster enough courage to get friendly with me. I had given my autograph book to Arun and other boys at a go. He had selected the last page and had scribbled “Last in your page, but first in your heart” – A.

He had not written his name but there was no guessing it was Arun as I had recognised his handwriting. I was touched to read the content and decided to preserve it till I breathe my last.

The next day I was alone in the classroom busy writing my assignment during lunch break. A few boys were chatting outside the classroom. Arun was also amongst them. I pretended as if I did not see him. A few minutes later I heard the footsteps and they stopped near me. I lifted my head and lo! Arun was standing in front of me. My heart skipped a beat with joy and I could not believe my eyes. My fingers trembled and they turned cold in seconds.

“Asha can you meet me near the library today after the class?” he asked. His eyes were sparkling with some hopes.

I agreed with a mere “Yes”.

“Thank you” said he and walked off.

As soon as the bell rang I suddenly remembered Arun’s words. By that time Mrs.Sumathi’s words alerted me. I made a sudden decision not to meet him or listen to whatever he wanted to say though I loved him secretly and couldn’t stop or help it may be because such feelings of attraction are common during adolescence. Instantly I had taken a decision that altered the course of my life. I avoided the way to the library and started walking swiftly towards the hostel along with Anvitha. At hostel, after tea and snacks I took a refreshing head bath. Anvitha sat beside me and patted my head. This was not new. Whenever she felt me close to her heart she would do this. My inner conscious told me never to be angry and jealous of her. “Foolish Love” I thought even as Prof. Sumathi’s words kept reverberating in my mind.  Be careful at your age. If adolescence is taken care of, the rest of your life will be happy and hassle-free”.

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Thriveni V Beedubail

Mangalore.